An Asian Christian woman living in London blogging about the everyday issues of religion

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Subject: CHURCH LADIES BULLETIN - a joke


 
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank Goodness for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
 
  
 The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. 
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.--------------------------
  

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.-------------------------- 
  

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. 
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 
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And this one just about sums them all up
 
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
 

Thursday, 27 March 2014

Who suffers because of World Vision's Anti-Gay Marriage Policy?

The Christian Charity,World Vision, has seen a drop to the donor programmes that it runs because of a policy not to hire gay married people. World Vision initially released a statement announcing that it had decided that it would employ gay people who were in same sex marriages but after a two day storm caused by the anti-gay brigade the policy was reversed. As the situation stands World Vision will not be hiring those who are in same sex marriages. This has caused quite an outrage. 

Sponsorship helps children, families, and communities break the cycle of poverty. (World Vision)

The pressure to go back on the original decision came from the Christian right who even threatened to stop their sponsorship to the 'Sponsor a Child' programme which looks after poor children in the world. While the issue of gay marriage becomes yet another religious football that is played out in ever increasing circles by those whose piousness and religious belief only revolves around who is let into the so-called sanctity of marriage let me tell you who the real or potential losers of this game are - the poor children AND the ambassadorship of Christianity.


How dare those Christians who have indulged in threats let the issue of poverty which is central to Christianity became a pawn in their sickening endeavours? Who is World Vision serving here and this raises the question of whether it is operating like a multinational corporation that is beholden to shareholders or the people that it serves? In other words, why didn't World Vision decide on an employment policy to hire the best people for the jobs which is the delivery of poverty alleviation services to children? More importantly, those Christian who have cancelled their sponsorships or are threatening to do so are self-important bigots who have or will inflict suffering on those who do not deserve it. And you call yourself Christians?



Tuesday, 25 March 2014

The Morality of Dishonesty - a joke

Some robbers entered a bank in a small town.
One of them shouted: "Don't move! The money belongs to the bank. Your lives belong to you." Immediately all the people in the bank lay on the floor quietly and without panic.

This is an example of how to behave professionally, and focus on the goal .

While running from the bank the youngest robber (who had a university degree) said to the oldest robber (who had barely finished elementary school): "Perhaps we should count how much we've stolen." ?
The older man replied: "Don't be stupid. It's a lot of money so let's wait
for the news on TV to find out how much money was taken from the bank."

This is an example of how life experience is more important than a degree .

After the robbery, the manager of the bank said to his accountant:
"Let's call the police and tell them how much has been stolen."
"Wait", said the accountant, "before we do that, let's add the £800,000 we took for ourselves a few months ago and just say that it was stolen as part of today's robbery."

This is an example of taking advantage of an opportunity.

The following day it was reported in the news that the bank was robbed of 
£3 million. The robbers counted the money, but they found only £1 million so they started to grumble. "We risked our lives for £1 million, while the bank's management stole two million  without blinking? Perhaps its better to learn how to work the system, instead of being a simple robber."
This is an example of how knowledge can be more useful than power.

Moral:  Give a person a gun, and he can rob a bank . Give a person a bank, and he can rob everyone.

Friday, 21 March 2014

Get A Sock Out-It's World Down Syndrome Day


Today is World Down Syndrome Day (21 March 2014) and the Down Syndrome International Association has asked people to wear lots of socks. The point being that displaying unusual apparel will elicit conversation from people along the lines of, "Why are you wearing so many socks?" In reply, one is then given the opportunity to speak about Down Syndrome, thereby raising awareness of it.

I have a niece who has Down Syndrome (DS). She is 12 years old and is a delight. I have no idea what she would have been like if she had not been born with DS but it does not matter one bit because one just accepts people as they are. Disabled people have been given a rough ride recently what with having to bear the brunt of a lot of the austerity cuts and with disability hate crime on the rise so let's say a prayer to make their world a better place.

P/S. Isn't that baby a really cutie?

Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Who Did Not Win in Today's Budget?

I have quite frequently blogged about the underdogs in our society who are manifest in the low paid work that they do and their reliance, consequently, on welfare benefits to keep them from tipping over. Given the proliferation of foodbanks in this country you would have thought that there would have been something to address the modern day scourge of going hungry in a modern democratic country but, quite predictably, there was not any such measure. However, few who benefit from the budget today will realise that the precarious position of those who languish at the bottom of the 'food chain' can afflict anyone. Given the rate of household debt, the rise in living conditions and the sparse help offered by the state I don't think i am being pessimistic in saying that being broke is a living state that could affect almost everyone (apart from Oligarchs and bankers). 

Sunday, 2 March 2014

Picture of the Archbishop of Ukraine Protecting Ukrainians from the Russians

View image on Twitter

I have never been to Ukraine, I don't know anyone from Ukraine but one only needs empathy when it comes to people power and the fight for human rights and democracy. This picture of the Archbishop of Ukraine taking a strong stand to protect his flock says it all.

PLEASE PRAY FOR UKRAINE

Friday, 14 February 2014

Would You Take Your Child to Watch An Animal Being Killed?



My title only tells half the story. The full story involves a zoo, a gun followed by a skinning session of the animal shot and then a feeding frenzy whereby the animal's remains are fed to the lions. Would you let your child watch all this? I certainly would NOT but that is what happened this week when a doe-eyed giraffe called Marius was shot dead at a Copenhagen Zoo by people who work in the zoo. The event was publicised beforehand as some sort of learning experience for children and families turned up to watch this revolting cruel spectacle.
I make a value judgment by referring to the incident as being a 'revolting cruel spectacle' because there is no other sensible explanation for killing a healthy 18-month old giraffe within the safe confines of a zoo. I would have thought that a zoo would be a place of care and compassion where the animals residing there would be looked after in all ways -fed, watered, monitored and given medical aid when needed. Killing does not fall into any of these categories.

Judging from the explanation given by the zoo I would be considered idealistic and naive in my thinking.  According to the zoo Marius's genes were too similar, i.e too common, to those of other giraffes in a breeding programme run by the European Association of Zoos and Aquaria (EAZA). Apparently, breeding closely related animals increases the chances that two harmful copies of an animal gene will pair up somewhere along the way.

The mission of EAZA is: “EAZA’s mission is to facilitate co-operation within the European zoo and aquarium community with the aim of furthering its professional quality in keeping animals and presenting them for the education of the public, and of contributing to scientific research and to the conservation of global biodiversity. It will achieve these aims through stimulation, facilitation and co-ordination of the community’s efforts in education, conservation and scientific research, through the enhancement of co-operation with all relevant organisations and through influencing relevant legislation within the EU.” (EAZA Strategy 2009-2012)

Well, blow me down but I cannot see any veiled or blatant reference to 'killing' in that mission. However, the death of Marius has been supported by EAZA so it is not immediately blatant how this can be so. An EAZA spokesman told the BBC news that Marius would not have added anything further to the breeding programme that does not already exist.

When you go to the zoo do you worry about the gene pool of the animals you see? Do you worry about what their offspring would look like? I don't think many people would. People go to the zoo to admire animals and to watch them in safety. This whole breeding programme, to me, smacks of Science gone loopy, to use a really colloquial term of expression over a very frustrating incident. I have a child and I don't think that she would need to watch the live killing and a subsequent animal feeding frenzy to ace it in Biology.

Putting my rebel hat on I suspect that the whole incident was a profit inducing one - draw the crowds in and raise profit. Another giraffe also called Marius is in danger of being killed for the exact same reason. The President of Chechnya, Ramzan Kadyrov, who has been accused of human right abuses has offered to buy this second Marius to save it. There's always a twist to surreal stories and I do hope that Ramzan Kadyrov succeeds and spreads his compassion for animals to humans.